When Dirk Met Sherlock
by My Perfect world
Summary: This is a crossover which I created as the world needed a fic in which Dirk Gently and Sherlock Holmes meet thanks to Watson and Macduff. Basically, I thought what would happen if Cumberbatch met Mangen enjoy xx
1. Chapter 1

When Dirk met Sherlock

Part one

'You know John's got a new case, and he actually pays his rent. You could try it, earning a living.'

Richard MacDuff was sitting in his (still) half sawn chair moaning at Dirk Gently. Gently, of course was busy watching the people on the street below. Waiting for his stalkee to appear... again. 'Yes well. Very funny MacDuff but I'm conducting an experiment.'

'Of course. Silly me.' muttered MacDuff.

'Yes silly you. Janet, cup of tea.'

'GET YOUR OWN YOU PIG HEADED IDIOT!' shouted Janet from the other room.

And as always a stapler came hurtling through the open door way. 'Now.' Said Dirk with a smile.

There were some muttered grunting and cursing coming from Janet which the whole street could probably hear and then finally. 'I'M TAKING MY LUNCH BREAK EARLY! I HATE YOU!' and the door slammed behind her.

'Thank you,' said Dirk

After a short silence MacDuff suddenly said 'You know you and John's partner are really...similar. You'd get on like a house on fire.'

'Do you mean he matches my enormous intellect or he likes brie?' asked Dirk.

'Why don't you ask him I'm going to meet up with John soon, you can come with me if you like.'

'I don't want to leave in case she moves.'

'Who? Oh Sarah Wainright, the person you're stalking.'

'Yes exactly...no..look as I've already said I'm conducting an experiment.'

'Well it's either him or Janet.'

...Meanwhile...

John laughed as he read MacDuff's last email. Suddenly, Sherlock burst into the room soaked to the skin and proclaiming he was bored. 'How can you possibly be bored you've just had a case?' Asked John Watson

'Solved it. It was obviously the butler. He was having an affair with the daughter so he killed the father and blamed it on the gardener after he found out.'

'How?'

Sherlock sighed and went to sit in his armchair. 'He planted foxgloves outside the rabbit holes and so the rabbits would eat them, not be effected so the poison would build up in the meat. It was only a matter of time until they came to eat the rabbit, as traditional for them on a Sunday, until they were poisoned and died.' Sherlock said very matter-of-factly.

'How did you...?' asked John Watson as he did every time Sherlock had finished a case without him.

'Traces of ash from a cigarette near the foxgloves from a brand which only the butler smoked and his foot prints. Faint but the outline was still visible.'

'Clever,' replied John. 'Simple,' said Sherlock

John then went back to reading the email and broke the silence with a burst of laughter. 'What is so amusing?' asked Sherlock. 'Well...MacDuff, the one I told you about, his partner hasn't had a case for three months and is apperiently stalking some woman named Sarah Wainright. He supposedly believes she is the key to solving how a dog was stolen.' answered John with another bout of laughter.

'That is of no interest to me. Mrs Hudson...' Sherlock called.

Mrs Hudson walked down the stairs from the landing, towards them. 'Yes my dear? Glad to see your back, but you're wet through. Look at you, you must be freezing. Well, get into some nice warm clothe before it goes into your bones.'

'That won't be necessary Mrs Hudson. A cup of tea will suffice.'

'Well, alright but I'm not your house keeper.' and with some reluctance she went off into the kitchen.

'Finally,' Sherlock sighed, picked up his violin and began to strum it.

'You know you are quite...similar to MacDuff's partner Dirk. You should meet him.'

'I shouldn't meet anyone. Especially people who are stalking people because of A LOST DOG!' Sherlock retorted. He had a bad temper when he was bored and John knew this. John sighed, he knew Sherlock too well.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

'Well he's coming over in...in a few hours so you can meet him then. Please do your best to act...well...' John trailed off thinking carefully about what to say next. 'Just be nice.' He said finally. 'I'm always nice' replied Sherlock with a mischievous smile.

...In the meantime...

Dirk was still in the bedraggled office but was now sitting on the floor pretending to meditate. 'What's he like this...Shireluck?' asked Dirk suddenly. MacDuff, who was previously dozing off for forty winks after he had become so mind numbingly bored by the silence and the never ending bills, was so startled by this interruption he fell of his chair and knocked down the laptop from the desk nearly ruining it. 'Why the hell did you do that?' MacDuff groaned from the floor. 'Me? I just asked a simple question which you have yet to answer. I don't think you'll find any answers on the floor MacDuff.' Responded Dirk without any sympathy. 'Thanks for that, his name's Sherlock. Oh and if you really want to know he has a website...while I find some ice for my concussed head which you obviously seemed to have overlooked.' and with that he left the room in search for some nonexistent frozen water. Once MacDuff had left the room Dirk got up, rebooted the computer and a few minutes later after MacDuff came back with a frozen pizza on his head, Dirk shouted out suddenly nearly causing MacDuff to fall on the floor again... 'Ha! ''The science of deduction'' ridiculous! No way on God's earth can he base all his knowledge on invisible details! There can't be 243 types of tobacco. His methods are childish as is he. It will be a pleasure to meet this ignorant fool.' MacDuff inwardly smiled to himself.

...Meanwhile...

'Who is this Dirk then? His name is not familiar.'

'Look him up.' Sherlock just stretched out his hand without looking up from the TV, the Jeremy Kyle show was on. John sighed. He couldn't be bothered to argue, so he got up, picked up the laptop which was sitting beside Sherlock's chair and put it into his lap with a retort of 'Lazy bugger.' 'Ha! He says that there is an interconnected web of events which is created by random chance. He is delusional and pathetic.' John just smiled inwardly to himself and muttered 'This could be interesting' under his breath. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. 'That'll be them.' Said John walking over to answer it.

'I thought you said a couple of hours.'

'I lied.' And with that he opened the door. 'Hello you must be Dirk, a pleasure to meet you.' Said John shaking the curly haired man's hand. 'John? I'm sure it is a pleasure to meet me.' Said Dirk. John sighed 'what have I done?' he thought. 'Hi Richard. Come in. Sherlock's just inside.' And ushered them in. He whispered to MacDuff, 'You've caught him at a bit of a tough time. He's going cold turkey and he hasn't had a case since this morning.' 'Oh dear.' Replied MacDuff. They went into the living room where Sherlock and Dirk were sitting at opposite ends, staring at each other. 'He has my hair.' Muttered Dirk. 'Why is John's friend wearing my coat?' wondered Sherlock. 'Well this is awkward.' Said Sherlock to break the silence. 'Come on Sherlock, I said be nice,' said John through gritted teeth. Before Sherlock could retaliate there was another knock at the door. 'Were you expecting someone else?' asked MacDuff. 'anyone else you kept from me John?' said Sherlock grumpily. By this time John had made it to the door. 'Wait,' warned Sherlock, 'Take your gun you never know who might be there.' Dirk and MacDuff looked at Sherlock with a bemused expression.

'Has that ever happened before?' asked Dirk humouring them.

'Yes.' replied Sherlock and John simultaneously.

'Oh'

John picked up his revolver and they all held their breath as the door opened. 'Oh hello Lestrade.' Everyone let out a silent sigh of relief. 'Do come in.' Sherlock suddenly perked up and started pacing around near the window. 'Ah, good afternoon Lestrade.' 'Hello Sherlock, who are...?' Lestrade gestured to Dirk and MacDuff.

'Unimportant,' interrupted Sherlock, 'do you have a case for me or not?' Sherlock was growing impatient, he had never been much good at waiting for things, but this time Lestrade was interrupted by...'Hello, my name is Dirk Gently and this is my assistant...'

'Partner' corrected MacDuff. '...partner assistant MacDuff. I am a holistic detective and we would gladly take any case you may have, if we can fit it into our busy schedule and for a very reasonable fee.' Dirk smiled. 'Well, we need all the help we can get so maybe you two could work together. A young woman has been killed, her name is Hermione Pond and she was stabbed in a locked room with no one else, none except your brother, Sherlock, who was found holding a knife with her blood on.'


End file.
